America is great again! It’s perfect! – The Cauldron

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece.

By Ben Frederick

Donald Trump is one of America’s best presidents to date. He is the ideal president, and every president after him should aspire to be him.

He is one of the most famous people alive, and he is beyond good looking. His looks rival even movie stars like Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds. Not only is he a 10 out of 10 in looks, but he is also a 10 out of 10 when it comes to smarts.

He is by far one of our smartest presidents to ever sit in the oval office. His IQ must be at least a 70. It is as good as his golf score — IQ is just like that. You want the lower score to win, at least according to him.

When Trump was campaigning, he promised a few simple things. He was going to build the wall, he was going to lock Hillary up and he was going to drain the swamp. Just to name a few off the top of my head.

All of these things went great. He really made America great again.

His perfect plan was to build this $25 billion wall on the border of Canada and the United States. These murdering and raping Canadians keep coming to our country, stealing all of our jobs and trying to bring their illegal drugs and maple syrup into this country. Build the wall and make those free healthcare loving Canadians pay for it.

When it was time to lock Crooked Hillary up for all of her crimes, like using private emails to conduct official business like a lot of his cabinet was caught doing a while back, he would not do it.

Instead he fired James Comey for dragging her name through the dirt during the election like they were good friends and he had her back. He didn’t fire him because he was investigating his ties to Russia and the illegal and shady business that happen with the election. He did it to help out his friend Crooked Hillary.

He wasn’t using his position to impede justice and stop the Russia investigation, but we do have him on tape saying that. That doesn’t prove anything, though.

Former President Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a counterfeit, and that tape is too. Russia had nothing to do with the election or Trump. Just overlook that he invited Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Russia’s ambassador to the US in a private meeting in the oval office right after the election was over.

They were probably just talking about how to dismantle the American democracy or sports. One of the two.

The great and very successful business man Donny Boy has a great plan for the economy of America. He is going to drain the swamp of corrupt officials and get America back to work with real jobs, like coal mining.

Coal mining is a real man’s job, not this technology stuff. A real man should hold a shovel. Trump digs coal.

I’m surprised Trump knows the word shovel because he’s never held one, or even seen one. He just likes manly jobs, or maybe it’s the fact that coal mining is predominantly white and male. And that’s what he supports the most.

He thinks women should go back to the kitchen and black people should go back to the plantations. Speaking about over-privileged white guys, look at Trump’s cabinet.

The only people of color in it are Trump’s good friends Ben Carson and Frederick Douglas. Trump speaks of draining the swamp by flooding it with more billionaires than ever before.That’s much better than all those career politicians.

These people will use the government to help their own. Trump’s new tax cuts will cut corporate tax and bring back the trickle-down system. Everyone wants to do that again because it worked so well the first time. These policies will really help the average American.